Earlier this year, I ended a relationship. I vowed to reinvent myself by doing three things that would help out. Let’s see how I’m doing!
I will start working on figuring out who I am and to follow my passion for advocacy volunteering. Right now, I want to focus on speaking at events that promotes organ donation. I feel like that will be the safest advocacy work for me right now since the nearest major city where black rights activist events are held at has had more homicides this year than I ever remembered.
I still don’t know how I can figure out who I am, and at this point, I don’t want to accept that I don’t know who I am. I don’t want to accept that I may have no purpose in life. However, I no longer feel like knowing who I am is what needs to keep me alive. I’m 25. People a lot younger than I am know who they are.
Months later, I never heard back from the subgroup of Living Legacy Foundation that focuses on minorities becoming organ donors. Guess that’s not happening unless I talk to Living Legacy Foundation. However, I did a volunteering activity.
I’m going to try to go out and do more things on my own. I found a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) meeting that will be happening not far from my house next month (can’t make this month’s meeting because of kickboxing) and going to a meeting will make me feel not alone with being mentally ill.
I’m not really doing more things on my own. There’s nothing to do around here. I started driving to my boyfriend’s house again after finding out that my new medicated eye drops to prevent glaucoma is working. I did some volunteer work by myself on Thanksgiving morning. Read more about that here. Long story short, I had a great experience, was able to reflect on the things I do have, and befriended a university student who will be studying abroad in Korea in a couple of months. Good luck, Angela!
So I went to a NAMI meeting on a Tuesday. Apparently the newspaper put the wrong date because it happens one Wednesday each month. I was very angry about that and I don’t want to seek support for my mental health issues. No, I don’t want to miss one kickboxing day each month. I just learned the jumping spinning roundhouse kick and I’m working on having less fear when sparring.
I will take a look at Zen Buddhism, in order to see if there are teachings that can help with my healing and for other reasons. If you’re reading this post and you practice Zen Buddhism, please direct me to some recommended books or websites.
I looked through some websites and liked that Zen Buddhism isn’t a religious practice. I have personal issues with religions. However, what turned me off of Zen Buddhism is that they claim to have a “right” way of thinking. I have no idea what the “right” way of thinking is, but I have an anxiety disorder and ADHD. I can’t think right no matter what. Plus, there is more than one way to think about things. I don’t like people who think they are always right. It’s one reason why I left my ex. I can’t work on healing myself if I have to conform to a path of life.
So pretty much my reinvention isn’t going too well. I feel like I need to gain some life skills to become independent first before I do anything else. How I’m going to do that, I don’t know. First, I have to convince my parents that my disabilities should not prevent them from teaching me life skills.