Hey everyone! Life’s been kind of busy and I’ve been neglecting this blog, so this is what has been going on lately.
Life Update #1: Marriage
Yep, I got married. Same day as planned (June 13, 2020), but with changes. We still have a low gathering limit in my state and my venue is still closed, so Franklin and I got married in the gardens behind our Unitarian Universalist church. Our minister was our officiant and the wedding was attended by my parents, grandparents (mom’s side. Both of dad’s parents died), my brother, my sister-in-law, and niece. Masks were worn by guests.
We will have a vow renewal (though some people don’t know we already got married) on June 19, 2021. Our venue wasn’t available on Loving Day (June 12th), but it looks like we’ll be celebrating on Juneteenth.
Life Update #2: I have finally moved out of my parents’ house
Well, that was a given. However, I was not able to move out right away since I didn’t get all of my stuff moved into my current house in time. I moved out on the evening of June 18, 2020. It was emotional leaving that house to move in with my husband, but I’m adjusting well. I feel like my mental health is improving because I firmly believe my Generalized Anxiety Disorder was caused by my upbringing. I no longer am living with my borderline-narcissist mom and my critical dad. Even my husband is noticing an improvement in my mental health. I still have issues with anxiety and emotional regulation, but mental illness never goes away.
Life Update #3: New Therapist
Yep, I’m on therapist #5 and I feel crummy about it because I’m probably about to get slapped with the “treatment-resistant” label, even though my brain is treatment-resistant. My previous therapist quit the practice due to an increased workload in her day job as a pediatric social worker at a hospital.
I like her so far, mainly because in my first session, she picked up something that none of my other therapists picked up on: my social skills issues. I want to explore my issues with social communication more to see if I have an additional diagnosis. I’m hesitant to completely like her since I can easily dislike someone if they do something I don’t like. It happened with my previous therapist who was unsympathetic to my mental health crisis relating to the fate of my wedding. I instantly disliked Franklin’s dad’s cousin when she told me to try to be positive. I CAN’T BE POSITIVE. I JUST FUCKING CAN’T!
I hope I can get the diagnoses that I feel like I should have. I was very close to going to a therapy center where therapists are aware of treatments for Borderline Personality Disorder. I 100% feel like I have it, but the disorder is so stigmatized by therapist and my therapy center seems to not have therapist that treat the more severe mental illnesses. I almost switched to the center that treats BPD because after my previous therapist quit, I never heard from the practice manager of my current center about who I will get next. I had to email them because I got an appointment confirmation text in error for the therapist who left. Let’s hope I don’t need therapist #6 or else I will switch to the other therapy center.