Let’s start with a timeline.
February 23, 2018. The man who should have been my future father-in-law lost his brief battle with lymphoma (but the death certificate says leukemia).
April 2018. I was looking up the awareness ribbon color for lymphoma out of curiosity. I encountered the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society webpage and read stories. I then encountered information about Light the Night charity walk. I saw the nearest walk was about 30 minutes away from me. I had been turning anger into advocacy that year, so why not turn Franklin’s family’s anger into advocacy?
May 2018. I struggled to tell anyone about my idea, although I knew that I will need plenty of time to collect money. I also worried about how Franklin would feel about this.
End of July 2018. I knew I wouldn’t get enough money to even do the charity walk, so I told Franklin about what I wanted to do, but would no longer be able to do. Franklin thought it was thoughtful and still wanted to do it.
September 2018. We get our wedding email set up due to advice from many wedding forums. I saw something from Light the Night and saw a team was created. What I didn’t know is that this would be my only idea that was put in place. I saw Franklin was made team captain. I was angry. This was MY idea! I was the one who found out about this! Why is a white man once again taking charge of something that a woman, especially a woman of color, started? This was when I first considered not doing the walk. I later found out that the person who creates the team page is automatically made captain. I eventually created a page and added myself to the team.
October 2018. Franklin posts the team page to social media to get us donations. He’s asking for the donations as a good birthday gift for me. I discover we are getting donations on our team page, but to my anger, all the donations were going to Franklin. The original plan wasn’t to do it for the money, but you’d be angry too if one person was getting all the donations and no one else was. Nowhere on the pages does it say that it was my idea. White men never give women, or women of color, credit for anything. White men always want to lead everything. I’ve had enough. I’m no longer walking. I will find a way to remove myself from the team. Franklin is starting to become like my ex. Why is this happening after I get the ring? Is he changing to his true self now that I’m “locked in” with him?
Fuck white men.