Try Something New 2018

Try Something New: New Things in September

In this blog, I pledged to try one new thing each month in 2018. The new thing could be trying a new food, doing a new activity, or going someplace new. I have asked my fellow readers and my fiancé to hold me accountable. At the end of each month, I will tell you all what new thing or things I have tried. I will also discuss the barriers that caused me to not try it before.

I went to my first bridal expo this month.

Barrier to going to a bridal expo: Well… you know… you kind of have to be engaged to go to one. Though this bridal expo allowed couples who were considering getting engaged. I don’t think all bridal expos allow that, though.

Why I went to the bridal expo: Franklin found a flyer at a bridal boutique near my hairstylist. He bought the tickets before we got engaged.

My thoughts on the bridal expo:

  • It was a waste of time and money
  • It was held outdoors under some tents and a barn
    • This wouldn’t be too bad if it wasn’t raining
  • Speaking of the rain and it being outdoors, the parking lot was on grass and literally every car had to be pushed out onto the road since every car was getting stuck in the mud
  • Most of the fashion show models were white. I think there was only one guy who was possibly Indian and maybe an Asian woman? I say maybe because it looked like her makeup made her look… not Asian
    • As much as I don’t want to return to that hillbilly trashy yeehaw bridal expo, I’m going to try to be a model for it so there can be black representation
  • At least I wasn’t the only black person there like mom thought I was going to be… (it was located in a town that’s not known for diversity)
  • I’m going to a classier, indoor bridal expo in November

I also tried a cake pop at the aforementioned bridal show!

Barrier to trying a cake pop: I wanted to try it a few years ago at a Relay for Life event, but I only had $5 with me and I already used $2 so my friend could put someone in a makeshift jail for charity.

Why I tried a cake pop: A table advertising a bakery had some to give away for free.

My thoughts on the cake pop:

  • It was hard to bite (I guess I wasn’t expecting so much frosting)
  • It honestly wasn’t that great and I even gave the rest of it to Franklin

The same day as the bridal show, after getting my socks muddy and wet, that’s night’s dinner was French Creole food! I went to a new restaurant and tried some jambalaya for the first time! Credit goes to Franklin for picking that night’s dinner.

Barrier to eating French Creole Food: French Creole food usually has seafood in it. I don’t eat seafood unless it’s salmon.

Why I tried jambalaya: I don’t have to have seafood in it. I got to choose my own protein (chicken).

My thoughts on the jambalaya:

  • It was a huge portion! I already knew right away that it was coming home with me to share with dad.
  • I wasn’t expecting an entire piece of boneless, skinless chicken. What do you mean I have to cut it myself?!
  • Oh boy, that rice was spicy. Luckily it wasn’t “my tonsils are burning!” spicy like the spicy chicken soup at Carrabba’s.
  • I wasn’t a fan of the andouille sausage. After looking up pictures of jambalaya, I conclude that my sausage should have been cut thicker.

I had another new food last weekend at a crab feast, or maybe a food type: Deer meat

Barrier to trying deer meat: My family doesn’t eat deer meat and mom freaks out whenever you mention eating deer.

Why I tried deer meat: A burger is a burger and I had to eat SOMETHING at the crab feast since I don’t eat crabs (Story time! I used to love crabs, according to my dad. However, one day when I was two years old, my mom walked by while we were eating crabs and said “Eww!” I stopped eating crabs then and I’m too scared to try crabs again because I’m sure my lack of exposure will cause an allergic reaction).

My thoughts on the deer meat:

  • While the burger was pretty good, there were onions mixed into the burger and I got worried because the last time I ate onions, I felt sick for two hours. Thank goodness nothing happened
  • I loved the deer steaks. I’d have it again, but dad told me that you have to be very careful not to overcook deer meat since deer meat is a lean meat.

Due to white men not giving women of color credit for an idea, I will no longer be walking in the Light the Night charity. Even though it was MY idea to do this charity walk, Franklin still made himself team captain and no one is donating to my page. Only his page. If you would still like to donate, you can go to this link.


Still Bisexual: Being Engaged to a Man Does NOT Make Me Straight

This blog post is inspired by two things: the lyrics to “The Story of OJ” by Jay-Z and a misconception about bisexuals. Also, today is Bi Visibility Day so I sure as shit will make myself visible.

Light n*a, dark n*a, faux n*a, real n*a
Rich n*a, poor n*a, house n*a, field n*a
Still n*a, still n*a

-The Story of OJ

The misconception about bisexuals is that once we marry, we ultimately chose what gender to be attracted to. No. People still think that bisexuals are greedy whores who need to pick men or women. I can’t control which gender a person I’m attracted to is. I can’t choose my sexual orientation. I can’t choose or force myself to be gay. I can’t choose or force myself to be straight. I hate that biphobia comes from gay people and straight people.

I was only in relationships with men (realized my sexuality late in life and I don’t feel safe coming out to family). I’m still bisexual.

I may pass as straight on the streets, but I’m still bisexual.

I have liked more guys than girls. Yep, still bisexual.

I’m engaged to a man. I’M STILL BISEXUAL!

Well, this was shorter than I expected. Biphobic, homophobic, and transphobic comments will be deleted.

DiaryofSelf Marries in 2020 · Rant

Wedding Planning Rant: Not Every Bride Needs to Lose Weight for their Wedding!

This is my announcement that on the evening of August 15, 2018 at the beginning of kickboxing class, Franklin proposed to me. We are now engaged. I was going to do a blog post about it, but it would be too short for my tastes. But my brother surprised me by being there, so that was a highlight.

So far, we put down a deposit on the venue (they will take care of catering and reception as well) and will research officiants and the DJ the rest of this year. Our wedding isn’t until 2020. We still feel like looking at vendors and one way to find wedding vendors is to go to a bridal expo! Tip: Make sure you make a separate wedding e-mail address and use that at expos. You WILL get emails from the vendors who were there and I heard stories about getting spam from companies that may have been sold your information.

The expo was held on a farm. It was raining and everyone had to park in the grass. A team of guys had to help everyone out of the parking lot since so many people were getting stuck in the mud. I was able to wash my socks when I could finally do laundry (my laundry schedule is messed up due to grad school) and who knows if I can wash the mud off my Cosmopolitan-brand ballet flats. No vendors popped out at me as a “I must have them!” vendor, and the bridal fashion show lacked diversity.

But that’s not why I’m ranting today! Today I’m ranting about society’s beauty expectations and how society plus weddings make an already vulnerable population even more vulnerable!

It seems like every wedding planning journal I read about on the Disboards and many posts on different wedding forums has a bride trying to lose weight for the wedding. Even the skinny women say they need to lose weight! It makes me the odd one out because even though my wedding is 21 months away, I don’t want to lose weight for the wedding. This expectation to lose weight for your wedding was perpetuated by the tables that featured gyms and health products to help and encourage people to lose weight.

Why is it that brides NEED to lose weight for their wedding? Why don’t men have the same expectations to get in shape for their wedding? Why have we become a fitness-obsessed culture? Can we not foster the possibility of more women developing disordered eating and exercise habits? Can I not be pressured to go to an unreasonable size? And can we stop fucking promoting the keto diet? People can’t think for themselves anymore, and it’s a diet that’s preached to “work” because everyone is doing it. Carbs aren’t bad for you. CARBS AREN’T FUCKING BAD FOR YOU!!!

Look, women, if you are going to lose weight, do it for you. Don’t do it for a special occasion and don’t do it to please men. What happens once the wedding is over? Are you seriously going to stick to your diet and exercise plan? What happens if that man leaves you or does not return your romantic or sexual feelings? There went your motivation. I’ve seen it happen before.

Expect some more rants and blog posts relating to my 2020 wedding.



Finding Empowerment Through Weightlifting: How I Built Confidence When All Else Failed

Fun fact about me: I have used weight machines and picked up some dumbbells before. I had two-pound weights when I was little. I touched my first weight machine in 8th grade during a physical education unit where my class was in the fitness lab and we were required to use both the weight machines and cardio machines. I didn’t touch weights again until 10th grade when we would sometimes be in the weight room when the weather was too bad to do fitness walking. Again, we had to use both cardio and weights. Then I didn’t touch weights again until years later when my best friend and I would work out after we got out class on Tuesdays. After graduating, I would occasionally touch dad’s weights (three pounds from his physical therapy and eight pounds that he only used once or twice) and didn’t fully go back to lifting weights until earlier this year.

So what got me touching the weights again? My kickboxing gym has a multipurpose machine and some weights. While my fiance (eep!) was finishing up with lifting weights in the beginning of March, I wanted to use my one-time silly card and try to feel how heavy one of the ez-curl bars was (I’m the serious one in the relationship and he’s the silly one). It wasn’t that heavy, but the other ez-curl bar was heavy. This led me to using the ez-curl bar. I later added dumbbells and other machines, and eventually added the Smith machine bench press and also a regular bench press at the gym on-base where I work.

Within a few weeks of returning to the weights, I felt more empowered. I still can’t tell you in words what empowerment feels like, but lifting weights did what other confidence-promising activities failed to do. My fiance’s my workout buddy with the weights. He shows me some things at the on-base gym whenever I ask. However, my parents are sexist so I don’t tell them about how I started lifting weights.

But unfortunately, as much as I like to lift the weights, I don’t have as much time now that I’m back in school. I’ll be spending lots of time studying so I will be back at the on-base gym during Thanksgiving break and I still lift weights at the kickboxing gym, but I am now only able to go to kickboxing on Saturdays and school breaks. Thanksgiving break, get over here!